Thursday 5th January 2023

I had every intention of starting the year off quietly and slowly and keeping it that way. Instead it has been the opposite and I am over-exhausted already. I was just thinking about how it has been very warm these past two days and wondering whether the rest of nature here feels the same. Will the plants and creatures get out of rhythm again and peak too soon?

On the other side of the world, in North America, there have been terrible snowstorms whilst here in Europe temperatures have been unseasonably mild. What happens as the climate see-saws in unexpected ways? Where does it find its balancing point?

Despite the warmth today, no hat needed on my walk, I’ve been cold in the house due to the fatigue. My internal thermostat is out of alignment. It sounds and feels like spring outside and yet inside, I am wearing two jumpers. And next week it could all change back to a proper winter.

The birds sound happy at least, for now.

Friday 9th December 2022

I can’t quite get into the patch of sun as today it is on a very damp slope of nettles but I decided at least to sit knowing the sun is behind me. The Blue Tits (one pair, if not more) have been flying back and forth to the Elder and Plum trees in front of me. Yet again the air and trees are full of busy, gossiping, happy birds. It’s another frosty blue sky day and doesn’t sunshine make us all that little bit happier.

To the left of me is a bank covered with ivy and evergreen low-lying shrubs. I love ivy, how glossy and resilient it is. Nothing seems to faze it. I’d happily have a house covered in it but my neighbour tells me it damages the brickwork. Maybe it’s just finding a way to reclaim its space.

I hate how much our places have become sterile. Outside the front of our house, there are six houses fronting on to the end of the lane, is nearly all gravel, pavers and tarmac. I am letting the plants take over our paving slabs, I suspect, much to our neighbours’ annoyance. I have already turned what was a scrubby patch of grass into a self-seeding frenzy of herbs and foxgloves. Imagine the life that must live there now.

Wednesday 7th December 2022

The birds are in a frenzy of activity and chattering today. So many different types occupying the trees and air around me. I think I even saw a pair of Yellowhammers or Greenfinches up in the Pine tree as a little flash of yellowy-green bobbed from branch to branch. Are they communicating with other types? Is Blackbird speaking to the Great Tits below? The Starlings to the Collared Dove? Are they singing with relief because the first proper frost, and colder day, of the season has lifted? Or are they saying thank the gods winter is finally here, we can get back on track? I wish I knew. Meanwhile I just enjoy their activities and the cold air of a winter’s sunny day.

Tuesday 6th December 2022

I’ve had a little break because I’ve been on an online ‘weekend retreat’ as part of a course I’ve been doing all year. I was still struggling with exhaustion and dizziness despite reducing what I did so I didn’t do much else. But here I am sitting in the garden again and it’s so lovely to be back. I often think little breaks from a routine are good anyway as they stop the rut setting in.

It’s a cold, beautifully sunny but nearly all the garden is in shade so I just enjoyed the sunshine on my walk. Plenty of bird activity again. Something startled the white doves from the dovecote in my neighbour’s garden and they flew up en masse and arced overhead to a nearby roof. There must be about fifty. I always wonder how white birds stay so pristine but I guess not being down in the mud and dirt helps.

On my walk I said hello to the lone horse again. This time he accepted a nose rub whilst he and my collie friend kept a wary eye on each other. He’s moved to the next field but still has no one else around. There were two muntjacs grazing in the field behind but I doubt they pay much attention to a horse.

The garden is still looking very green and the wildflowers are still out. As the temperatures are dropping I expect it will change. I am longing to be out here doing some gentle tending but if I have the energy there is house maintenance that needs done first. When I come to it, I will try to imagine I am bird tending to my nest.

Tuesday 29 November 2022

Another still day, cold and damp and grey, seasonally correct. I am being brave and sitting on the blanket on the grass. Once you get down here it’s actually ok. Though I can feel slight cold spots of mist freckling my hands.

As I got to sit down I disturb a bumblebee on the wildflowers. A sign that the seasons have gone awry. I feel guilty disturbing her lunch and hope she’ll return. What is it about furriness that immediately wants you to stroke it, even if the wearer is not the sort to appreciate intrusive fingers?

Not as many birds today and some different tree lodgers. No jackdaws or collared doves. But still there are the woodies flapping ungainly, crash landing, trying not to fall. There’s a little bird singing beautifully at the top of the Ash tree but I can’t see them clearly from down here. Actually there is now on quiet jackdaw at the top too, looking about like I am doing. And now, lifting with ease, flying with smooth flaps to the Pine for a different view. It would be lovely to be up so high and see so far. To take off and land so simply without the complications of human life.